When trying to answer a query that ranks high up the list of the most contentious questions ever, it is helpful to set ourselves up with some context. First, what classifies as good sex? If you ask women that, you’re likely to get an answer that is quite different from how the majority of men will respond. And that’s the other thing, what a millennial will tell you will be entirely different from what their parents would say, and that’s not accounting for any regional or cultural factors.
What Men Think/What Women Want
It isn’t uncommon to find a man who wants to be able to go for a solid 60 minutes every time he has sex, while most women would think that’s about 30-40 minutes too many. The reality on the other hand is that most researchers agree that the average man lasts about 6 minutes during intercourse.
Now let’s think about that for a second. Even after accounting for both ends of the bell curve, the average man wishes he could last 10x more than he can actually muster, while the women (who are privy to this information) wish that sex would go on for 5-6 times more than how long the average male can last.
To understand why such a large difference exists in between what actually is and what both men and women wish it to be, we need to understand the influence of some of the social and cultural factors into what we think makes for “good sex,” but first:
The Primacy Of Sex
Let’s be honest, how many of us have completely bought into the idea that sex is the ultimate thrill, most enjoyable act possible, and certainly the most important, where it’s imperative that you don’t let yourself down on this highly special stage? The answer might be higher than you think. While many well-adjusted folk have fit sex into their lives as part of a well-rounded life, there are a much bigger majority that covet sex to a much greater degree and put it on a pedestal worthy of seating the world’s greatest pleasure.
Why Is Sex So Damn Important To Us
Also known as the Hollywood effect, with Bollywood catching up fast. Oh, and also porn. Everyone seems to be having the perfect sex with their perfect bodies every time – for ages upon ages – and we want to be like them.
There are pills to “improve” sexual organs, pastes to “enhance performance” and even “jadi booti” vitamins and “essential minerals” to make a person forget the stressful and tiring 12 hour day they’ve just had and jump into bed with their partners.
Longer sex is what people think they’re supposed to want, and deliver, without really having paused and thought about it. Call it fear of social stigma or call it social conditioning.
That’s Nice, But How Long Is Sex Supposed To Last Then?
Well, we’ve just told you that the average session lasts for 6 minutes – a statistic that seems to have not changed in the last 100 years (in American men, anyway), even if how long people want to last has gone up significantly, so we’ll say this.
If you’re looking for a quickie, anywhere from 5-7 minutes is good, and you know, quick. That’s for the entire act of minimal undressing, minimal eye contact and raw sexual energy.
10 minutes may not seem enough to enjoy a bit of foreplay as well as your favourite position, but it can be.
15 minutes lets you mix things up a bit by picking another position to finish and getting a good workout in the process.
20-25 minutes seems to be the ideal time, and will satisfy both the man and woman’s physical and mental criteria of what it means to have had “good sex,” and will allow for the option to switch things up a fair bit, as well as getting plenty of foreplay in.
At 30+ minutes you’ve made your point and you’ve probably made your partner sore, and bored. Make sure to check with them.
Some Final Tips
If you, the man, don’t think you’re lasting long enough, have a little less foreplay directed towards your arousal, and work more on your partner.
If you, the woman, would like to achieve orgasm sooner, or would like to see if you can, make sure to include more foreplay that’s directed towards you. Tell your man exactly what you like.
And finally, remember that sex isn’t at all about numbers, so talk to your partner about what they think is hot, what’s not, and what you two would like to try with your bodies.
